Meet the Smashers!
by Dapper Dee VI
Summary: A new Smash Tournament means Smashers, old and new, and the two white gloves in charge of the event, Master Hand and Crazy Hand, are giving you the low-down on each and every one of them. They will discuss movesets, strengths, weaknesses and... other stuff... Things may get a little out of hand...
1. Chapter 1: Intro

**Hello! This is my new story. I'm good at stating the obvious.**

**Now, before we begin, I need to explain some stuff. In this story, as well as a video game, the Super Smash Bros Tournament is also a television show hosted by the hands. Each chapter, a new character will be discussed, similar-ish to a 'codec'. This first chapter is just to get me warmed up, and is basically just setting the scene of the whole fic. Enjoy! **

"On air in five minutes!" called a Toad, causing the frantic rushing about of other Toads and Waddles Dees all around became even more frantic. In the midst of it all sat two floating white gloves; Master Hand and his brother Crazy Hand. The two floated around, checking everything was in place.

"Three minutes!"

The Waddle Dees switched on the spotlights, the Toads readied the mikes.

"Two minutes!"

Master Hand and Crazy Hand floated into their studio and took their places behind the desk.

"Five… four… three… two… one… and rolling!"

The cameras swivelled around to face the two hands behind their desks in their studio, Master Hand on the right, Crazy Hand on the left. Behind them was a huge screen, which would display any useful info. Right now, it merely displayed the Super Smash Bros logo.

"Hello everybody and welcome to the fourth Super Smash Bros Tournament!" bellowed Master Hand to the viewers at home, "As you all undoubtedly know, I am Master Hand, creator of this tournament and indeed this small section of the universe!"

"And I am Crazy Hand," said the left hand, who was widely regarded as slightly insane, "And we will be your hosts throughout this tournament, giving you the low-down on everything, from the Smashers to the stages!"

"Yes," continued Master Hand, "And, as you all know, a Smash Tournament means Smashers, old and new. The competitors are all widely-known characters from across the multiverse, and have travelled far and wide to compete for the grand prize of one million Smash Coins and the title of Smash Master!"

"And _serious_ bragging rights!" chipped in Crazy Hand, "Last year, the competition was dominated by the masked swordsman Meta Knight, the year before Sheik, the mysterious ninja woman, owned everybody and in the year before that, the first ever Smash Tournament, the victor was Pikachu!"

"Yes," continued Master Hand, visibly irritated by Crazy Hand's interruption, "But this time it's anyone's game, and of course we will be there every step of the way! We start of with a round-robin competition; everybody gets a turn fighting everybody. The matches will be three-stock fights with a time limit of five minutes; all items turned on. The victor of these fights will get a point, the loser will get only shame,"

"And then the competition _really _starts!" butted in Crazy Hand, "Depending on their scores, the Smashers will be put in elimination round where the loser drops out; three-stock five-minute matches with the only items being Smash Balls, until only one remains! They shall be the victor!"

"Indeed," said Master Hand, "And here is the list of every contestant in the competition, ahem;

Mario

Luigi

Doctor Mario

Peach

Bowser

Bowser Jr.

Rosalina & Luma

Yoshi

Donkey Kong

Diddy Kong

Wario

Link

Zelda

Sheik

Ganondorf

Toon Link

Samus

Zero Suit Samus

Kirby

King Dedede

Meta Knight

Pikachu

Charizard

Lucario

Jigglypuff

Greninja

Mewtwo

Fox

Falco

Pit

Palutena

Dark Pit

Marth

Ike

Robin

Lucina

Captain Falcon

Ness

R.O.B.

Mr Game & Watch

Olimar

Little Mac

Villager

Wii Fit Trainer

Shulk

Duck Hunt Duo

Sonic

Megaman

And Pac-Man!"

As the right hand called out the names, the character would appear briefly on the screen behind them, and acknowledge the audience, by a wave, a nod of the head or merely a glare.

"Hang on!" interrupted Crazy Hand, "That's… wait a sec, I'm doing the maths… that's only forty-nine competitors! We need and even amount of characters for this whole thing to work!"

"Yes, I know that!" sighed Master Hand, turning to his brother in annoyance "If you had just given me the chance to say that, then I would have revealed the three Mii Fighters!"

"Oops, sorry…"

"Anyway, as I was saying," growled Master Hand, turning back to the camera, "You may have noticed that we currently have an odd number of Smashers; we need some more! So, here are the three Mii Fighters; the Mii Brawler, the Mii Swordfighter and the Mii Gunner!"

The three Miis flashed on the screen behind them (generic characters of no-one in particular).

"This brings the total to fifty-two," explained Master Hand, "And that works perfectly!"

"But there's more!" Crazy Hand happily exclaimed, "As a handful of these characters have other… 'skins' that are completely different people!"

"Good point!" said Master Hand, before turning back to the camera again, "For every third fight," he said, "Olimar will swap out for Alph, Bowser Jr. will swap out for a Koopaling (Larry, Roy, Wendy, Iggy, Morton, Lemmy, Ludwig in that order), Villager will swap with another Villager and Robin will switch genders. Also, every fifth fight, Little Mac will swap with Wireframe Mac as well. All these characters fight identically,"

"Well that's good to know," said Crazy Hand, before addressing the camera on his side of the studio, "Anyway, join us both next week where we will begin introducing to you the Smashers! We will talk about their movesets, strengths, weaknesses and we could even have them in the studio with us!"

"Oh, I can barely look forward to it," sighed Master Hand, clearly _not _looking forward to it, "Well, we'll be back then, so stay tuned!"

"And we are off air!" shouted the Toad, and everyone visibly relaxed.

"I swear this gets more stressful every time," sighed Master Hand.

"Well, I enjoy it!" stated Crazy Hand matter-of-factly.

"Well, I'd enjoy it a lot more if you didn't interrupted me so often!" scowled Master Hand.

"But that's my job!" protested Crazy Hand, "You're the serious one, and I'm the comic relief!"

"Just… go away," sighed an exasperated Master Hand, "And you!" he pointed to a nearby Waddle Dee, "Get me a coffee!"

**I will try to update this weekly, but I can't make any promises. And I'm gonna try and not make this too much like the generic 'codec' fics around; the characters will be discussed in depth.**

**Bye! **


	2. Chapter 2: Mario

**An extra day off school means I can do this. Enjoy!**

Master Hand floated into the studio and waited impatiently for Crazy Hand to arrive, drumming his massive fingers on the desk. Crazy Hand came in soon after, quite bruised.

"What happened to you?" asked Master Hand.

"Well," said Crazy Hand, "We were trying out mushrooms on the Waddle Dees in honour of our guest today…"

"And?"

"Just… never give a Waddle Dee a Mega Mushroom. They go mad with power,"

"Oh,"

•••

"Five… four… three… two… one… and rolling!" called a Toad and the two hands began the show.

"Welcome back to the fourth Super Smash Bros Tournament!" bellowed Master Hand, "And today we begin introducing you to the Smashers!"

"Yep," agreed Crazy Hand, "And today we are starting with Mr Video-Game himself; Mario!"

The screen behind them showed the red-clad plumber, along with his name.

"Mario first began work back in 1981 as part of the arcade game 'Donkey Kong'," continued Crazy Hand, "And has since become the most famous videogame character since the dawn of time,"

"And he's been in Smash Bros since the very beginning," added Master Hand, "And is back again this time,"

"Mario has had rather mixed results in previous tournaments," admitted Crazy Hand, "Coming fifth in the first, fourteenth in the second and thirty-first in the most recent, which was admittedly terrible,"

"Anyway," said Master Hand, "Mario's standard attacks are basic punches and kicks, all of standard damage, but today we are talking mainly about his special attacks,"

"And believe me, they aren't as powerful as they sound!" butted in Crazy Hand, "Take for instance his standard special 'Fireball'. It may sound to you like he summons a huge ball of burning inferno… but it's really not, watch,"

The camera focused on the screen behind them. Mario pulled back his hand and thrust it forwards, a short 'blip' sounded and a small ball of red fire shot out and bounced across the floor.

"See what I mean?" asked Crazy Hand.

"Well, actually," responded Master Hand, "'Fireball' is a fairly reliable projectile that deals 4-5% damage. It has decent range and bounces down any slopes, meaning it can hit fairly consistently,"

"Well," argued Crazy Hand, "His side special is called 'Cape'. I don't know about you, but I first thought he would fly through the air like Superman! But no, this happens!"

The screen showed Mario quickly whipping out his yellow cape.

"See?" asked Crazy Hand, "That's it!"

"Well, it's far from useless," pointed out Master Hand, "It can turn other Smashers around, leaving them attacking the air or trying to recover in the wrong direction. It can also reflect any projectiles sent at him,"

"Huh, I guess it actually decent…" mused Crazy Hand, "Anyway, his up special is 'Super Jump Punch'; a leap upwards, fist ready to punch anyone in the way. It also makes some very satisfying '_ting_' noises when the attack connects!"

"But it's mainly used for vertical recovery," added Master Hand, "But is fairly useless in the horizontal recovery department… Then his down special is 'F.L.U.D.D.' which is-"

"The most useless move ever!" interrupted Crazy Hand, "He charges up his fancy backpack and then… he shoots put a harmless squirt of water that does no damage! Useless!"

"Well, it does actually have some use," insisted Master Hand, "The water pushes other Smashers back whilst dealing no damage, s-"

"Still useless!"

"So it can push someone trying to recover away from a ledge and since it doesn't do damage, they can't use their recovery move again!"

"That is still only one use for it…" pointed out Crazy Hand, "I still think it's useless!"

"Anyway, moving on," sighed Master Hand, "It's time to discussed Mario's most powerful move; his Final Smash!"

"Now this is what I'm talking about!" exclaimed Crazy Hand excitedly, "'Mario Finale' summons two huge spiralling plumes of flame that swirl forwards, burning his opponents to cinders!"

He watched the clip excitedly on the screen behind him, laughing in a way that would have put a mad scientist to shame at the detruction.

"Uh, you ok there?" asked Master Hand.

"Fine," replied Crazy Hand, as if nothing had occurred.

"Well, anyway…" continued Master Hand, "Mario continues to be a good all-round character, with fairly good KO-ing power,"

"But his lack of horizontal recovery and sub-standard aerial attacks keep him from being perfect," added Crazy Hand.

"But we like to give you more than just a profile," said Master Hand to the camera, "Today we have the plumber in the studio with us! So please welcome MARIO!"

The Toad on the SFX desk pressed a button, and the sound of an audience cheering played as Mario walked, waving at the cameras. He sat down on a chair inbetween the two hands.

"First off, Mario," began Master Hand, "I need to ask this - what is it like being the most famous videogame character of all time?"

"Well-a, you see," started Mario after a moment of thought, "It was-a quite a shock at-a first. Before the business with-a Bowser, I had only saved-a Pauline from-a Donkey Kong. I was-a just going about-a my job as a plumber, when-a I heard that the princess was-a captured! It turns out that-a I'm pretty good at-a being a hero!"

"You can say that again!" chuckled Crazy Hand, "But now I want to ask… about your relationship with Princess Peach!"

Mario gave a slight chuckle. "Oh, this again!" he smiled, "Well-a, I'm not too sure of-a our relationship myself… but-a she bakes the best-a cakes!"

"Tell me about it!" laughed the left hand.

"Now," said Master Hand, trying to get back on topic, "Your results in the last tournament were… pretty poor, unfortunately. How do you think you'll cope this time?"

"Well, I have-a been training very hard," admitted Mario, "And-a I think I'm-a more ready for it now!"

"Good to here!" laughed Crazy Hand, "So… can I have your autograph? Please?"

"Ah… no," said Mario, "I-a gave you fourteen last-a tournament!"

"But they sell for loads of cash! C'mon, just one more? Please please pleeeeaase?" begged the appendage, leaning in uncomfortably close to the plumber, forcing him to lean back.

"Uh, I think-a here Luigi calling-a me!" lied Mario, "I have to-a go!"

And the plumber raced off.

"Jerk!" muttered Crazy Hand, who then began grumbling to himself.

"Well, anyway," sighed Master Hand, "Join us next time for the next analysis. Goodbye!"

•••

"And we are off air!"

"At last!" mumbled Master Hand, floating out of the studio and heading towards his dressing room. He opened the door to the sight of a Waddle Dee trying on some of his make-up and looking at itself in the mirror. It noticed Master Hand in the reflection and fell of its chair in fright.

"I don't even want to know…" sighed Master Hand, "But go and make me a coffee!"

The Waddle Dee saluted and rushed out.

"And don't forget the biscuits this time!" called Master Hand after him.

**Well, this is all going nicely! And, in case I run out of questions for the hands to ask the Smashers. If you want to give me a suggestion via PM, I may consider it… but this isn't turning into an interactive fic! And only one fan question per Smasher, max!**


	3. Chapter 3: Luigi

**I'm baaaaaaaaaack!**

Master Hand lazily floated into the studio and positioned himself behind the desk. He yawned, despite being a hand, and groggily asked a nearby Toad to get him a cup of tea. The Toad sighed and left to abide to the Hand's request. Master Hand yawned again and then noticed that there was something… different about that Toad. He looked again. No, it was all the other Toads too. And the Waddles Dees. He had barely had any sleep last night, so he just couldn't put his finger on it…

"Morning, bro!" whooped Crazy Hand, zooming into the studio, "Do you like the Luigi hats?"

"What Luigi h-oh," Master Hand suddenly realised each member of the film crew was wearing a Luigi hat.

"W-why are the crew wearing Luigi hats?" he asked weakly.

"In honour of our special guest," explained Crazy Hand merrily.

"How my did it cost?"

"Oh, not much… just a couple hundred thousand Smash Coins, y'know,"

"Oh, well that's ok… and by the wa- WHAT THE PRIMIDS?"

•••

After the title sequence played, the camera once again focused on the two hands behind the desk.

"Hello and welcome to the next Smasher Analysis!" greeted Crazy Hand to the audience, "Today we are looking at the Green Wonder and the Eternal Understudy; Luigi!"

"Luigi started off as a clone of his brother Mario," explained Master Hand, "But has quickly moved away from that, being now a semi-clone. His results in previous tournaments have been fairly poor; eleventh in the first, thirteenth in Melee, and twenty-eighth in Brawl, "

"Although he is his own fighter now, he does retain several of his brother's standard attacks," admitted Crazy Hand, "But they all have their own Luigi-style twist, making them a little… unorthodox…"

"Indeed," mused Master Hand, "Anyway, Luigi's neutral special is, like his brother', 'Fireball', but unlike Mario's, it is green and continues to travel forwards in the air, not succumbing to gravity, meaning it easier to aim, but perhaps a tad less useful in certain situations,"

"Honestly," sighed Crazy Hand, "We're only at his first special and he's disobeying physics! What's his side special? Hurtling through the air with no apparent explanation like some sort of… green missile?"

"Well… yes, that's exactly right…" said Master Hand, unsure of what to make of this.

"Really?" gasped Crazy Hand in mock disbelief, "It's almost like I already knew!"

Master Hand sighed before returning to the camera, "Anyway, 'Green Missile' _is _an odd move. Luigi charges it up and then releases it when ready to fire horizontally forwards headfirst into his enemies. This does significant damage and can help with recovery but there is a downside… there is a one-in-ten chance that the attack will misfire and Luigi will fly forwards with a huge amount of power and distance,"

"Wait…" said Crazy Hand, "Surely extra firepower is a good thing?"

"Well," explained Master Hand, "In most cases, a misfire will catch Luigi off-guard and he will be unprepared for it. This means he could potentially fly right over the head if whoever he was trying to hit and fly right off the stage, making recovery hard to impossible,"

"Oh… well every rose has it's thorns," admitted Crazy Hand, "Well, moving on to Luigi's up special, 'Fire Jump Punch. On the face of it, this attack seems like a direct copy of Mario's 'Super Jump Punch', but there are some key differences. For example, if the attack connects toward the end, it is incredibly weak, but if Luigi captures them as he starts up the move then… THEY GET LAUCHED UPWARDS INTO THE FIERY DEPTHS OF OBLIVION! ...If he's lucky,"

"Umm, right," muttered Master Hand, "Luigi's down special is also different to Mario. Luigi replaces Mario's 'F.L.U.D.D.' with his 'Luigi Cyclone'; a move where he spins himself about, dealing multiple hits to foes, then knocking them away,"

"But now we get to the REAL power!" said Crazy Hand excitedly, "Luigi's Final Smash; 'Poltergust 5000"! He whips out his trusty vacuum-cleaner and then begins to suck in everything around him. If that happens to be other Smashers, then they receive quite a pit of damage and eventually be shot out of the end, and hopefully off the screen!"

"Wow, Crazy Hand!" said Master Hand, "You actually said something useful!"

"TRIFLES!"

"Ok, maybe not… Anyway, in conclusion, Luigi does fight very similarly to Mario, but his Green Missile removes his lack of horizontal recovery, but his standard attacks are weaker on average," concluded Master Hand "But here, without further ado, is our special guest; LUIGI!"

The green-clad plumber entered the studio as the 'Live Studio Audience SFX' button was pressed. He waved sheepishly at the non-existent crowd. He sat between the two hands.

"So, Luigi," began Master Hand, "You can often end up the unsung hero, so how do you feel about that?"

"Well-a, you see… I can-a be quite annoyi-"

"Who are you talking to, Master Hand?" asked Crazy Hand, who had got into his head that it would be incredibly funny to pretend that Luigi wasn't there.

"Luigi, he's right here!"

"Nope, I don't see anyone!"

Master Hand sighed and turned to the plumber, "I'm so sorry about him Luigi…" he muttered, under his breath.

"Don't talk to yourself," giggled Crazy Hand, "You look like you're mad!"

"Please, shut up!"

"But why? I see no-one here!"

"It's-a ok," smiled Luigi up to Master Hand, "I got-a this!"

The rushed out the room and returned with his trusty Poltergust 5000.

"Wait, what are you going to do with that?" asked Crazy Hand as the vortex began to appear from the nozzle. He was answered with Luigi's world-famous Death Glare.

The glove than began to scream for mercy as he was sucked into the device completely, and his muffles shouts began to echo around inside.

"Thank you for that Luigi!" said Master Hand, "Now we can get on with the questions!"

Suddenly, a Toad firm the film crew hurried on screen and frantically whispered into Master Hand's… ear.

"Oh, right, well, it seems we've got to end the show there!" announced Master Hand, "So… Goodbye!"

•••

An exhausted Master Hand collapsed on the studio desk. Weakly, he pointed to a nearby Waddle Dee.

"Get me a glass of warm milk," he said, "And a pillow…"

**I'm sooooo sorry this update is so late, but I had a Super Busy Week at school!**


	4. Chapter 4: Dr Mario

**Yeesh, busy few… months is it now? Sorry everyone…**

Dr Mario 

Master Hand stretched and strummed his massive fingers on the studio desk. He wasn't feeling too bad today; the post-show snooze he had taken last episode had done its job. He still hadn't had his morning coffee yet though. He could change that, however.

He pointed to the nearest Waddle Dee, who was currently polishing a camera lens. "Could you get me a coffee?" he asked.

The Waddle Dee sighed and wandered off into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later carrying a mug of coffee. He approached Master Hand, who extended a finger for the mug to be place on.

"Ah, thank y-"

"ATCHOO!"

*_plop*_

Master Hand, despite lacking eyes, glanced down at the coffee balanced on his finger, where ripples were still visible.

"Did you just sneeze in my coffee?" he asked.

The Waddle Dee sniffed and shrugged, waddling off. Master Hand groaned and quickly asked a nearby Toad to wash out the mug.

"It's been sneezed in," explained the glove.

"Yeah, *_sniff_*," shuffled the Toad, wiping his nose on his sleeve, "We're all a bit *_cough_* under the weather today *_sniff_*, sir,"

Master Hand looked around and noticed all the staff did look a little pale. He sighed. At this moment, Crazy Hand entered.

"Crazy," asked Master Hand, "Have you made all the staff ill because we're looking at Dr Mario today?"

"What?" asked Crazy Hand, innocently, "No! That was just a result of my Megavitamins being slightly defective…"

If Master Hand had any eyes to roll, he would have done.

•••

The cameras swivelled into position as the show's hosts floated into the studio live on air an acknowledged the audience.

"Welcome back to the Smasher Analysis!" boomed Master Hand, "And we are here again to analyse the next Smasher,"

"Yep," agreed Crazy Hand, "Today we are looking at what happens when Mario turns medical; it's Doctor Mario!"

The white-coated fighter flashed on screen, prepping a Megavitamin.

"That's right, he's back!" giggled the left hand, "And, due to actually being Mario in a uniform, he's basically exactly the same as said plumber,"

"Well, I wouldn't say he's _exactly _the same," correct Master Hand, "He's slightly slower than Mario, thanks to that bulky outfit, but thanks to his new knowledge of anatomy, he hits harder too,"

"Don't care," sniffed Crazy Hand, "Well, moving on, Dr Mario is one of two fighters in Smash who has skipped a tournament, as he appeared in Melee but not Brawl, where he ranked higher than his plumber counterpart, coming ninth,"

"It seems a little tweaking can definitely go a long way," mused Master Hand.

"Anyway, Dr Mario's neutral special is 'Megavitamin'," continued Crazy Hand, "and he basically just uses the same tactics for fighting as he does curing illness; throwing random medication around and hoping for the best,"

"Well, while this is very similar to Mario's 'Fireball', they are some slight variations," admitted Master Hand, "Apart from the obvious visuals differences, I mean. For example, Dr Mario's vitamins don't lose much momentum as they bounce, which can be viewed both as advantageous and disadvantageous, but they don't burn the victim,"

"Unfortunately, that's where the novelty of this fighter wears off," said Crazy Hand, "As his side special, 'Super Sheet', is a direct copy of Mario's 'Cape',"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that…" said Master Hand, "The Doc is still his own fighter… after all, his sheet is white. Ok, there are some other differences, but they are so small the won't make much of a difference,"

"My point exactly," mumbled Crazy Hand, "At least his variation on 'Super Jump Punch' is a little more original. In stead of hitting multiple times fairly weakly, he only hits twice, at the start and finish of the attack,"

"But recovery-wise, it remains the same as Mario's," agreed Master Hand, "Decent vertically, terrible horizontally,"

"But his down special, 'Doctor Tornado', is actually different from Mario's… cause Mario's was replaced in Brawl…" admitted Crazy Hand, "But it's the same as Luigi's 'Luigi Cyclone'; he rapidly spins around before knocking opponents away,"

"Uh, are you all right, Crazy?" asked Master Hand, "You're actually being helpful…"

"Now you mention it," mused Crazy Hand, slightly croakily, "I think my ninth batch of Megavitamins may have been slightly… radioactive,"

"Ah…"

"Well, I've survived worse,"

"Indeed… well, we are now moving on to Doctor Mario's Final Smash; 'Doctor Finale', a move very similar to Mario's Final Smash, but utilities a storm of Megavitamins to wipe out 'viruses' instead of fire,"

"Yaaaay…" said Crazy Hand weakly, flopping on the desk.

"We need to get you a doctor," said Master Hand, "Luckily, we've got one here today! Like Mario, he's a good all-round character, but will his small tweaks see him higher or lower in the end? It's DOCTOR MARIO!"

The doctor then entered the studio as the cameras turned to focus on him and the SFX of a studio audience cheering played.

"Welcome back to Smash, Doc!" greeted Master Hand.

Dr Mario laughed slightly and nodded. "Getting these old-a clothes out after all-a these years was really nostalgic!"

Crazy Hand, still flopped on the desk, violently coughed.

"Oh, Mamma Mia!" cried Dr Mario at the sight of the left hand, "Crazy looks-a terrible!"

"Yes, we were going to ask you to diagnose him, if you wouldn't mind," admitted Master Hand, looking down at his suddenly very ill brother, "He ate a faulty batch of Megavitamins…"

Without saying another word, Dr Mario immediately began examining the white glove. He checked in between his fingers, tapped his knuckles with a little hammer and asking the hand to cough to analyse the sound.

"Well, it's-a fairly clear what's-a wrong with him," announced Dr Mario after a thorough examination, "He's-a suffering from an overdose of… stupidity!"

"Is there a cure?" asked the limp left hand, hopefully.

The doctor nodded. "There is-a only one thing to do," he said, prepping two Megavitamins…

The answer was of course, simple: chuck random medication at him and hope for the best.

•••

After a full minute of bombardment, Dr Mario seemed satisfied, picked up his stethoscope, which had fallen off, and strode out. Crazy Hand got off the desk and hummed a little tune, floating away, feeling healthy once again, failing to notice that the rest of the studio was in ruins.

A Waddle Dee wandered over to a bruised Master Hand, who's fabric had been torn on his thumb.

"Could you get me a massive bandage?" asked the right hand.

The Waddle Dee sighed and nodded.


End file.
